With an elastic stretch band

The eating faces thing is probably just hyperbole

A (inches) B (inches) C (inches) D (inches) One Size 24 - 26 6 3 8 ⅝

I think you're going to get it

Size guide

Red Minimalist Wallet FF With an elastic stretch bandDeclutter your pocket with this durable, minimalist design. Two metal plates bound together with tough elastic bands hold up to 12 cards in a sleek, pocket friendly package. Metal plates have the added benefit of RFID blocking technology for a more secure carry. If you happen to carry cash, you can fold your bills and tuck them away under a flexible cash strap to suit your taste. Original design by Apache Pine. Minimalist Design Wallet Holds 12 Cards